It is time to live deliberately

Another guest post from my friend Doug Banker.  Doug and I view cancer diagnosis and post treatment very similarly.  Doug was diagnosed with Prostate cancer a few years ago and has been enjoying the life changing experience that is the wakeup call with that message:

Yep, cancer sucks, from the initial diagnosis through treatment, cancer is definitely a life-changer.  It forces us to deal with some pretty hard realities.  It forces us to deal with our own mortality.  But, throughout the process there can be very positive aspects.  One of my favorite quotes is from Henry David Thoreau:

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.

Henry David Thoreau, Walden (1854) 

Poor Thoreau, he clearly never made it to Colorado.  I adapted the first line to read:

I went to the mountains because I wished to live deliberately…

The important thing here is that I have no intention of discovering when it comes time to die that I had not lived.  With the help of a few friends, cancer changed my life for the better.  My camera and I have spent a lot more time in the mountains; on foot; on bike; on skis; on snowshoes.  I’m grateful for the awakening…not for the disease.  But, at this stage, I plan on dying from something else.  It may be a different cancer, but at least it won’t be this one.

I guess I really am fortunate mine was caught early.  I have a young friend (about 28) named Meghan.  She is in the final stages of her cancer and probably doesn’t have long.  It doesn’t seem fair.

Or an old work acquaintance, Mark, who had brain cancer and lasted two years.  It doesn’t seem fair.  

Or a former boss, Carl, who was diagnosed with a lymphatic cancer and only lasted two weeks.  It doesn’t seem fair.

Why am I going to live when others are not?  I feel guilty about that, especially for Meghan who has so much to live for and should have had so much time. 

Yes, I have been lucky.  And, when it comes time for me to die I will NOT discover that I had not lived.  Thanks to my friends for that one!

Some Initial Thoughts from a Fellow Cancer Patient

A friend went through his initial cancer diagnosis a few years ago and wanted to post a few words about his journey with cancer:

Hi all.  Ron has graciously agreed to allow me to share some thoughts on my experience with cancer.  Just so you all know (including you, Ron), that Ron has been my mentor when it comes to dealing with cancer.  Even though our cancers are entirely different, he provided me with great advice when I needed it most.  I take the opportunity to do the same for others every chance I get and always make sure they know that it was Ron who helped me, and they, in turn, are bound to help others when needed. 

Just a little background.  Four years ago I was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer, the number two cancer killer in men (lung cancer is number one).   To make a long story short, the discovery, diagnosis, treatment, and rehab took about a year and a half.  I consider myself lucky.  We caught mine early but only because I was proactive.  I always had good physical exams…never any problems.  After I retired from the Air Force I neglected getting any kind of physical for the next seven years.

I always had pretty comprehensive flight physicals with never any problems and I became complacent…until an old roommate of mine was diagnosed.  I decided I should get checked.  Again, everything was normal.  As I was leaving the office I said “Hey, how about a PSA test, I’ve never had one”.  My doctor was surprised and said “sure, I’ll order you one”.  Well, it came back elevated.  I was referred to a specialist who immediately wanted to do a biopsy.  I thought that was a little premature so sought another opinion.  The second specialist said there are other things that can cause increased levels of PSA in the blood, like a low-grade infection.  Let’s treat for that and see what happens.  Well, the PSA came down.  He said to get it checked again in 3 or 4 months.

I did and it was elevated again.  Back to the first specialist for the biopsy…not a fun procedure, by the way.  Anyway, the biopsy confirmed the cancer.  The bottom line here is that even though the PSA test is not perfect, neither is the physical exam.  They are just indicators.  If I had just gone with the physical exam and not asked for a PSA test, my cancer would still be cooking.   So, don’t just go with the convenient answer or the standard exam.  Stay on top of your own health especially if you have a family history. 

I had a radical prostatectomy on February 22^nd, 2008.  Pathology showed the margins to be clear which means the cancer did not get outside the gland…very good news.  Most men that die from Prostate Cancer do so because it went too long undetected.  The recovery was long, I went 4 weeks without working.  The rehab went ok…a few issues here and there but, for the most part, everything is fine…actually, some things are even better…but I won’t go into that.  In about 14 more months I’ll be declared “cancer free”…a significant milestone for me…I’ll be able to start donating blood again!

I think this is enough for now.  If it’s OK with Ron, I’d like to do a couple more posts…more along the lines of what he has done…how cancer changes our lives, how we learn to deal with it, and how we think about the future. 

You are dying too

One of the great truths of our lives is that we start dying on the day we are born.  This isn't something we like to think about and many of us live our lives as if we are going to live forever.  Steve Jobs recently died of a cancer that is very similar to mine and, in the commencement speech he gave in 2005 at Stanford, Steve said that every morning, he would look in the mirror and ask himself this question: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?"  If the answer to this question was no for too many days in a row, Steve knew he needed to change things.

The intent of this question was not to say that every day has to be something that is on your bucket list but you can't go on living day after day, doing things you would regret if it were your last day.  It is getting close to the end of the year and many people work for companies that have use it or lose it leave policies.  If you are donating vacation time back to your company you need to really be thinking about what your priorities are throughout the year.  It is certainly possible that you do get your greatest joy out of your work but if that is not the case, what are you doing NOT spending time away from work?

There are so many bumper stickers of the type "a bad day fishing is better that a good day at work" where you can replace fishing with hockey, skiing, golfing, or any other recreation.  The way I like to think about it is to ask myself the question "In one year, would I look back at today and be glad I went to work or would I look back and be glad I hit that 6" dump of powder at the ski slope?"  If the answer to this question too often is regret over going to work and you have the option, make sure you enjoy your life!  I enjoy my job most days but there are nowhere near as many days I look back upon with as much fondness as the days I take off with friends or family.

Life is short, often much shorter than we thought it was going to be.  In some ways, I am fortunate in that my cancer has made me focus much more on what is truly important in life.  Yes, I am dying and it may be my cancer might be that does me in.  You are dying as well.  Make sure you are living at the same time.