The evening of October 26th, 2001, I went in for an exploratory laparotomy, unsure of what the results would be but the possibility of cancer was far from my mind. My wife was told after surgery that they removed a tumor and, on the morning of October 27th, 2001, I was informed of the diagnosis. It has been a long 13 years and I have been fortunate in living this long and getting to enjoy so much of my family and friends for these years.
Today, it is 9:45 and I look at the clock as I have a 12:15 outpatient surgery to do a bilateral stent swap. I have done many of these since my first stents were inserted after my 11/2011 surgery and I know mostly what to expect. By mostly, I mean if things go as planned. With each stent swap, there is an increased probability that they will be unsuccessful as the tumors continue to press harder on the ureters.
One of these stent swaps (and it could be today), I could wake up to find out that they were unable to swap one or both of the stents. If this happens, the next step is percutaneous nephrostomy tubes and that is another step that I fear. I know I will learn to live with them and I know that many other people do as well but I fear yet another change.
I don't want to go today. Every surgery looks fine from several weeks out but, on the day of surgery, I start to lose it a bit. I hate getting another IV inserted. I hate having to make sure the anesthesiologist knows how to hand carcinoid syndrome. I hate waiting in the pre-op rooms with my feet getting cold. I hate the feeling of going to sleep and I hate waking up, not knowing whether or not the procedure was successful or not.
Just like every other time, I will go today and I will get the procedure. I will hope for the best possible result but I dread the time in between.
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