On my way home again

Today, Monday the 26th, I have been released from the hospital again.  I talked to the doctors about what happened and they believe that the scar tissue has caused some tight corners in my bowels and that these tight corners can lead to intermittent obstructions.  When these obstructions occur, I need to get to the hospital, get my favorite NG tube (hopefully after 3mg of dilauted again) and wait out the obstruction.

The NG tube should decrease the pressure on the obstruction from above while slowly releasing from the bottom until it is gone again and I am back to normal.  This is not a great way to live but it is a life and I can move forward with this.  I am hoping to get back on TPN for a period of time to help regain some body mass, supplementing what I am able to consume orally.

I have a flight out of NOLA tomorrow which is actually relatively cheap at $140 with a layover in Houston on United. I can spend the next two weeks recovering from this episode before coming back down to get the tumors around the rectum zapped.  While down here, we will also take advantage of my being in the hospital to swap out my ureteral stents as well.

So, this means returning to full time work is delayed again.  I feel like a slug but noticed today that my legs started to collapse when I tried running across the street.  It is difficult to look so normal in so many respects but to have such a depleted body in so many other ways.  I know I need to heal and I know people understand but I find it difficult to accept.

I so appreciate having the handicapped parking permit but often feel a bit like a poseur when I use it.  Other times, I am so appreciative of it when I have a hard time just making it to the car after work.  A few weeks ago, I thought the wind was going to prevent me from making that walk but I did it and was thankful for it.

It makes me think of all those times I judged people with their permits who 'looked' OK but, from my high horse, I could not see their problems.  We need to ensure that we don't judge people we don't know.  Until we are in their shoes, we don't know what problems they are dealing with or what their reasons for having that permit.  I need to watch this and I pray that you also try to avoid judging people that you don't know.

I will be home soon.  I Missed my wife and kids terribly.  Stephanie sent me flowers that were beautiful and I was able to then give them to a nurse today who said she did not get anything for her birthday this year.  Hope that this made her day brighter for having (vicariously), known the wonderful and beautiful woman that is my wife and my light: Stephanie.