Hunger and Fatigue, my new constant companions

I have been home from the hospital for a week now and am starting to get the hang of this new PEG tube.  I am finally figuring out how to drain my stomach contents easily and am able to avoid vomiting most of the time.

I believe I am now fully obstructed.  I occasionally have a small amount of juice, soda, or other drink (think 4oz or less) and that small amount of drink has been making a return trip back out the PEG tube rather than trying to process through my digestive tract.  I am able to consume small ice chips throughout the day so this occupies my mouth and stomach to a limited extent.

I don't know exactly how many calories I am getting in TPN right now (will check next time I speak with the nutritionist) but think it is somewhere in the area of 2000 calories.  I then get an additional one liter of saline fluid infused to prevent the dehydration that sent me to the hospital before.  I am retaining fluid now so we may need to adjust the amount of additional saline that I get but at least I am not getting dehydrated.

Dr. Boudreaux wants to see my numbers improve and they are indeed.  I have looked at all the liver numbers and they are on a very constant track back to 'normal' for me.  My kidney numbers have also returned to my baseline values.  This is good news because there always was the worry that a significant amount of real damage had occurred a couple of weeks ago but that seems to be in the past now.

The other thing Dr. Boudreaux wants before surgery is "He needs to be able to walk around, up the whole day."  I can certainly walk around, not far and not a lot but I can walk around.  As to up all day, I normally take a nap every day and I don't know if this will be a strike against me or not.

Food smells so good.  I am almost to the point where I dread mealtime because I know that my nose is going to be picking up all these wonderful scents and will have no chance to satisfy them.  I know that eating anything now will not happen until I have surgery unless I am willing to just vomit up the food I eat later and that is not fun.

It isn't limited to food that smells good either.  I have been craving clementines and the burst of juice when you bite into a wedge of fruit.  The usual other suspects are there as well.  I have been thinking of tacos and chips with salsa.  I have been craving that feeling of refreshment when you drink half a can of soda or other liquid after working hard in the heat and how it just pulses through your body.

I want sausage and bacon with either french toast or pancakes (blueberry?) along with lots of butter and real maple syrup.  Spaghetti and lasagna (the good stuff my wife makes) along with garlic bread with real butter sounds fantastic.  I want a Chipotle fajita burrito with chicken, chili-corn salsa, pico de gallo and sour cream with a large root beer to drink.

There are some sweets as well.  Creme brulee always tastes so good and Stephanie and I would occasionally stop by the Bone Fish Grill just to have one for desert with some fresh berries on top.  Speaking of fresh berries, just picked strawberries, bursting with flavor, chopped over some ice cream or just on their own.  Summer grapes and watermelon sound wonderful and I am looking forward to fruit salads with lots of fresh fruits.  Of course, donuts are on the list with a French Crueler or a Boston Cream from Duncan Donuts making the list.

When do I get to eat again?  I don't know.  We are supposed to touch base with Dr. Boudreaux around April 1st and update him on status so maybe we will get some plans at that point.  I just fear this getting pushed off further and further, having to live like this longer and longer.  My daughter, River, graduates this year and I fear missing her graduation in mid May along with her and my youngest son's birthdays in mid April.  I want the surgery but I don't want to miss out and, obviously, I don't want to die either.