Home but not out of the woods

I entered the hospital on Friday 11/27 and was on a clear liquid diet until Sunday evening, the 29th.  I then did a full liquid diet for three meals without any issues and transitioned to an unrestricted diet on Monday evening.  I continued the unrestricted diet through Tuesday without issues and was released Tuesday afternoon.

Unfortunately, things have not continued to be issue free.  Tuesday evening dinner made my stomach hurt some and made me concerned that things were not OK.  Wednesday lunch caused some very significant stomach cramps and the gurgling in my stomach returned that usually accompanies a bowel obstruction.

I am not out of the woods.  I have an appointment with my oncologist tomorrow and will be asking to get back on TPN so that I can get some consistent nutrition back into my body.  My body is weak and I can feel it hovering on the edge of a cliff.  I am almost always cold and walking up and down the stairs is something I have to really convince myself to do.  Once on TPN, I will be going back to a liquid diet with the occasional regular food as I tolerate it.  I don't know if this situation can be resolved with surgery or some other intervention but that is the plan for now.

I feel like I am finally hitting the endgame.  As most of you know, I have been at this for fourteen years but I have never had a year like this one.  I have not been 100% since February and have not even been 50% for much of that period.  I always feel exhausted and am always looking forward to the next time I can take a nap or go to sleep for the night.

I fear that I will not return to 100% at any point in the future and would be excited just to be at 50% at this point.  I have given up on playing hockey again and fear that skiing is not going to be an option as well.  Returning to work is yet another step that I don't know if or when it will occur.

Sorry to be such a downer here but I have always pledged to be honest with everyone as to where I am and how I feel.  I am down physically and emotionally but hope to make improvements beyond where I am currently.  I know I won't get back to 100% of where I was but hope to improve from where I am now.